thoughts on doing things, damn it.

One of the ideas behind this whole blog is that there comes this point in time where you’ve wanted to do something for a while, and finally, you are done with excuses and the desire to DO IT wins out. And you say IM DOING IT DAMMIT!

And I think there is something really useful about that amount of time that passes by while the desire grows stronger and stronger. Napoleon Hill talks a lot about the necessity of a “burning desire” in Think and Grow Rich. It is an intregal part of any type of success. And the Abraham Hicks folks talk about eagerness and desire, how those feelings are part of the process of manifesting what you want.

All that seems obvious enough. But I’ve noticed that over the past several months I’ve attempted many challenges after the bikram challenge. The bikram challenge was something I had wanted to do since I began practicing bikram three years ago. I had an absolute burning desire to do it. It became my complete focus during that month. It was almost easy! I desired to go to class each day. But since then I’ve tried a few different things: daily yoga stretching, daily meditation, 40 days of writing therapy, or just having fun each day. And each of those have been more challenging. Or, I just haven’t taken my committment to doing them daily quite as seriously. I think it’s because a lot have come from an idea: This would be good for me. Not: I am dying to do this.

There’s nothing wrong with any of this, of course. All of this has been such an interesting experience. The meditation continues to be extremely important. I did finish my 3 months of 15-minute meditations (mostly using guided tracks). It culminated in my extended holiday vacation with spending almost an hour doing various meditations! (Now I am working 40+ hours a week. Not so easy to keep this up daily. I miss it when I don’t do it.)

And the writing therapy opened up something for me too, though now I am in show-mode, focusing mostly on getting my show ready to go up at the PIT in a little over a week (GAH!). So I have dropped the ball a bit on that.

Making committments to DO STUFF seems to only reaaally work when it’s something I reaaaally want to do, and reaaaally commit to.

I am starting to see the importance of letting that desire build up a bit over time, rather than immediately being impulsive to committing myself to something in hopes of a breakthrough. Because when the time comes to really do it, I want to be ready to really do it.

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Going to bed, dammit

Just to update you on my challenge for the past Wednesday to Wednesday, which was to be on the Internet for less than two hours a day, and do something fun every day, I definitely achieved the Internet goal. It helped that I got a 3-day Jersey gig which involved spending a 16-hour day in a parking lot. I realized I didn’t plan so well by needing to do something “fun” during this gig. I was directing traffic in the cold and sometimes rainy whether. But perhaps it was my subconscious still finding the fun. I got to drive a golf cart around, and ride it! Also I got free giant hot chocolates two days in a row. And I read Harry Potter (Book 2, Chamber of Secrets) before going to sleep both nights in my Holiday Inn hotel room. (Yep, they put us up! I mean, I can direct traffic like no one’s business.)

So, I would say there was definitely some success from taking on these two goals. As far as the Internet goes, my next goal is to regularly set intentions for what it is I’m doing. And if that includes an hour reading blogs and watching youtube, FINE! But I am done with the addictive, depressive stuckiness that happens when I am resisting doing something else in my life.

And I am just adding a playfulness to all my days. I’ve been in a very strict hardworking mode for a while, which often sends me around in circles. I want to have more fun even while I work.

So now I am playing with some ideas of what to do next.

Things I want to do:

Swim!

Breathwork meditation (Perhaps taking a 7-minute practice on for a month!)

Practice the mandolin

Go hiking upstate

Buy myself a new jacket

Go to bed.

Oooh. I’m going to do that last one right now.

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Lots of fun being had, little internet being surfed

My week’s challenge of having fun every day and spending less than 2 hours on the Internet a day has been going splendidly.

It is much less sexy than doing 30 days of bikram yoga, and I suppose the word “challenge” to describe spending only 2 hours a day on the Internet is a bit sad, but nevertheless—I’m finding it to be another great way to focus (and unfocus) my energies.

Shall I list off the fun? The new Woody Allen movie at the Cobble Hill cinema (really great work from Woody and old school artsy theater that is like stepping back in time), pumpkin carving and eating and drinking too much with friends, and a day filled with enjoying local restaurants… (Okay, I am really having fun eating!) What bikram body?

I’ve told a couple friends I just finished the bikram challenge and they immediately look at my body. Yes! This is what 30 days of bikram looks like! (Not that much different than before!) And how do I feel? “Today… slightly tired and like I ate too much cheese last night.” Looks like I am going to have to keep up the practice if I want to continue to feel the side effects. Although I must say, I am thoroughly enjoying being able to indulge in some hot toddies.

I am sure some great writer has a term for this, but I think it is good for everyone to know what you immediately do when you are feeling the resistance. I generally resist having fun during my days off when I feel slightly bored. Even though I know going to a movie, or just watching one on Netflix would incredibly improve my situation, instead I reach for the Internet and get sucked in to hoping an email will magically appear that says “We want to hire you for this job that you really want!” or “Please please please be in my movie—here is money!” or “You are so amazing, have I told you that today?” Instead I get Borders Rewards emails or some other email I delete, so it’s back to facebook.

Just giving myself this goal of spending less than 2 hours on the Internet has taken away this option. I can’t just get bored and sucked in to someone else’s facebook photos of their amazing whatever, sending me down the rabbithole of how I should probably figure out how to get an amazing whatever ASAP… Instead I put the computer to sleep, walk to another room, or pick up a book, or find my way to a movie theater (even if it is cold and windy and I wear the wrong shoes for walking in Brooklyn)…

And suddenly there I am fully living MY life.

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what am i doing now, dammit?

Now that I am done with my 30 days of yoga, will this all stop? The yoga and the blog?

No way! I found that writing the blog while simultaneously doing this challenge created a great structure for me to keep up with it, share it, track my progress, and stick to it. (Hence why it is open to YOU using it for anything you’d like to do!)

And I do plan on continuing the yoga, not every day, but 3 times a week. I want to keep up my practice.

I began my new challenge yesterday, which seems like it would be easy: Doing something really fun every day for a week.

I have this nature to work hard, even if I am not actually working at a regular job. If I am at home I can usually find something to do to satisfy this on-going urge to work, whether it is cleaning my room, or making a mess so that I can clean it again. Or often I just get stuck on the Internet doing absolutely nothing, not having fun or working hard, just feeling stuck in a rigid boredness.

So my challenge over the next week is to do something fun everyday. And to limit my Internet usage to 2 hours. Already this has been helpful. Yesterday I only was on email or facebook or whatever else when I actually had something to do there (like post an important wall photo, for instance). I didn’t actually time myself, and I think I went over time. But still—there was much less of that bored stucky staring-at-random-photos-I’m-not-in time.

It was a rainy day yesterday and all I felt like doing was going to the newest cafe in my neighborhood. I had lunch, tea, read a book, and chatted with the barista. Then I got a dark chocolate bar from a health food store. I love doing this stuff—sitting at cafes drinking hot things, journaling, daydreaming, reading, so it was indeed FUN.

Today… What to do today? It actually is a challenge because I can automatically think: well, I need to go do this errand and that errand, and should probably clean my room and then make it messy again…

Now is time for tea, which I will be enjoying while staring aimlessly at the walls, rather than at someone’s status update!

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